I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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