MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
