Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
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It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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