his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
