She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
