I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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