I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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