Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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