At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
