The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
