boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
