I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
