some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
