She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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