i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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