Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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