ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
