Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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