He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize