Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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