well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
