Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Soap is not a condiment
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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