Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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