Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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