New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
