Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
