I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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