If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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