Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
