I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
