And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
