She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
