I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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