I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
