i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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