Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's the barista slut.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
