I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
