HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I fill condoms, not promises.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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