I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize