she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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