and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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