im having a threesome with these popsicles
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
