Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
