It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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