I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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