I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
