and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
