got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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