Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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