These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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