To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
