theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
