Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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