You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
