Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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