just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
