I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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