I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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