I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you traded sex for a burrito?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
