census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
