He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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